Saturday, January 5, 2008

Rain

I usually love rainstorms. Not this time. We got flooded out and had to rent a pump to pump the pool and our patio. Not fun. Out in the freezing weather, wind and rain blowing, impossible to stay dry. I am just glad it is over for now. Leaky roofs and flooding pools are no fun. I panicked, and Pascual came home to help me. All I could think of was, where are my photos in the boxes in the garage. I need to get them upstairs. I was feeling raw and scarred and emotional yesterday. Water does that to me.. helps me release a lot of emotion. I am done with it. I want sun and flowers and spring already... and it is just barely started with winter. See, I told you I am secretly Hawaiian.

Here are my next 100 things. They reflect my mood yesterday. Emotional and reflective and melancholy. It's all part of the process. I watched Because Of Winn Dixie with my girls last night. This is another great movie. How love conquers the fear of being rejected and brings a bunch of lonely people together. How many more lonely people are there out there in the world like the characters in that movie, just longing for someone to love and connect with. My challenge for today, connect with someone you love and haven't spoken to in a while. Or maybe a stranger you pass. Let them know they mean something. Spread the love. Tonight we celebrate Spanish Christmas in our house. It is also called Epiphany or 12th night. It is the day the wise men brought the baby Jesus gifts. On a day like this... where people traveled from far away to show their love to a little baby... I want to find ways to show my love today.

501. I went white water rafting on Cache Creek
502. I love to sing Karaoke
503. I dated a karaoke singin’ cowboy who is still my friend and one of the greatest men I know
504. I am a 4th generation people pleaser
505. the thing I hate most is when someone is mad at me or doesn’t like me
506. I cry easily, (as evidenced by other comments on this list)
507. I learn a lot about myself through meditation
508. I am a firm believer in the Secret
509. I have been practicing the principles of the Secret for 20 years but never knew it was a secret
510. I have the Secret CD’s and I listen to them a lot.
511. One is currently jammed in my CD player
512. I haven’t liked my body since puberty
513. I have ulcers from worrying so much
514. they got so bad, they caused chest pain that simulated a heart attack
515. I woke in the middle of the night the day before Easter and thought I was having a heart attack
516. I had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance
517. I didn’t want to call an ambulance because I didn’t want to wake the kids and scare them
518. Pascual stayed home with the kids until I called him from the hospital
519. I had to do a bunch of really sucky tests
520. I had to stay there for 3 days
521. my kids spent Easter with my mom and stepdad
522. I found out I have a healthy heart, but an unhealthy amount of weight on me
523. I was cured with a bottle of Pepcid AC
524. I still have the ulcers
525. they seem to be getting worse
526. We don’t have medical insurance and it scares me
527. I was too broke to buy Christmas gifts this year
528. Even though I know the real meaning of Christmas, I feel bad that I had nothing to give but love… it feels like it’s not enough
529. I suffer with feelings of inadequacy a lot
530. I appear stronger and tougher on the outside than I really am
531. I don’t sleep much
532. I have chronic back and neck pain
533. I want to have another baby, but can’t afford a tubal reversal
534. I am afraid that by the time I can afford one, I will be too old to get pregnant
535. I understand even more deeply the pain and angst of those infertile women I worked with
536. the longing to have a baby when you can’t is an awful thing
537. it makes you feel incomplete
538. like there is a hole somewhere inside you that you can’t fill up
539. I am too generous with others sometimes
540. my kids are just like me in this regard
541. people sometimes take advantage of our generosity
542. most times we don’t realize it until afterward
543. I went to the Opera when I was in 7th grade and saw The Barber of Seville
544. I love to go to art and wine festivals
545. I have some work I did on healing journals out in a newly published book
546. my mom and I are creating a class to teach on this principle, incorporating art with meditation and regressions into a whole process when you create spiritual art that symbolizes and documents a spiritual awakening or transformation
547. This is such incredible work, I want to take it on the road and teach it at art retreats with my mom.
548. my life is very “full”
549. full of love
550. full of stuff
551. full of family
552. full of friends
553. full of responsibilities
554. full of angst
555. full of possibilities
556. I love the New Year… a feeling of starting over fresh
557. I like to clean and purge my home and reorganize my life
558. I saw Zig Zieglar in San Francisco and was inspired
559. I like Leo Buscaglia “the Love Doctor” and have a lot of his books and tapes
560. his thoughts on love as the driving force in life really moves me
561. whenever I focus on love and let that be the bottom line in what motivates me
562. I always do well when I “follow my heart”
563. I attended a real estate boot camp and made some amazing friends
564. We are currently working on an incredible project in another state
565. We may be moving in the future
566. We will probably buy a home there to stay in and commute in the meantime
567. this amazes me, because it gets cold there and I HATE cold weather
568. I love where I live
569. my family has been here in the area for 4 generations
570. If I could live anywhere, it would be Maui
571. I have my funeral all planned
572. cremation, a memorial service where they show some things about me,
573. some photos and a video with music I specifically picked out, like Free Bird, Another one Bites the Dust, The Dance, I Hope You Dance, Brown Eyed Girl, Tequila Makes My Clothes Fall Off and a bunch of others
574. and then a big party to celebrate my life, not mourn my death
575. then I want my family to take a family vacation to Hawaii with my life insurance money and scatter my ashes all over the island at my favorite spots
76. If I could choose my death, I think I would choose one where they gave me so many months to live. I would probably do something like the guy did in P.S. I love you and make my family and friends go on a scavenger hunt to discover the good things living has to offer that we so often forget about in the ratrace of life
577. I used to be terrified of dying
578. I am still somewhat uncomfortable with it
579. I try to live each day like it was a gift
580. each day I look in the mirror and say “Yay me for waking up today, I get to spend another day on this lovely planet.”
581. then I worry about how I will spend it
582. I want to spend my time wisely
583. I love to quote song lyrics a lot
584. this amazes my son Zack that I know so many songs
585. I want to go on the TV show Don’t forget the Lyrics but I need to take 2 backup people and I don’t know who to ask
586. many days, I feel overwhelmed by my life
587. yesterday was a very emotional day for me
588. We had to rent a pump to pump out our pool and patio
589. it flooded from the storm
590. I always thought I wanted a pool
591. now I know if I have one, I need a pool service to take care of it properly
592. I thought I wanted to live in the country on a farm
593. I think I don’t want to now
594. I am not so keen on taking care of animals
595. I already take care of my kids animals, the ones they “SWORE” they would take care of but don’t
596. my little one Kayleigh is the only one who helps with the pets
597. Pascual wants the little farm with all the pets
598. I say OK as long as he tends the animals, hey he’s a vet, he likes that kind of stuff
599. I wish he would become a vet and practice vet medicine here in the states
500. then I could say I am Dr. Machine’s wife… I always wanted to be a doctor’s wife

1 comment:

Stampamelbie said...

Big cyber hugs to you! OMG, your blog really makes me think and reflect on everything. It all makes us the people we are today. :)

And I know I don't want to live on a ranch. Luckily, I can go and visit one when I need an animal fix! LOL