Wednesday, October 10, 2007


I have been looking at my friendships a lot over the past few months... I have many great friends... but no one great deep friendship with anyone like I have with Pascual. When you have a wonderful, supportive partner who is there for you 100%. When you have a husband who makes you laugh, who you can share your secrets with and cry with, and experience the joys of life with, the need for deep female friendships isn't so strong. Also, when you have an incredible mother who is like your best friend, the need for female friends isn't so strong either. This is something I only discovered recently. I thought about it, and then I was sad for a bit... then I just let it go. I am content with the friendships I have. I have friends I have known since kindergarten. I love the people I know, and I always love meeting new people... Let the friendship circle grow, there is always room for more is my motto.

I think there are all kinds of friends... The ones who are there when your babies are born. The friends who hold your hair out of the toilet when you are sick after a night of partying. The ones you call with your man troubles. The other mom friends who share the same mom woes and anxieties that you have. There are the travel buddies, and the spiritual buddies, and the craft/artful friends. all of them have a place in your life. All of them have their moments of importance throughout the various phases of your life. But once you get married, your spouse fills a lot of those roles. Then your kids fill up your extra time, and the time you spend on friendships becomes less and less. Some friends are hurt by the percieved abandonment or change... Some feel they give more than they get. Some become envious of your marriage and family if they don't have one themselves. R EAL friends are the ones who hang in there through all the change. The ones who get on the roller coaster with you and ride for a while until they have to get off for themselves. They wave you off and shout, "see you next time" as you whiz away. The next time you see them, they don't lament about how long it has been between visits, or make you feel bad about never writing or calling, they just jump right in where you left off and pick up the trailing ribbons of the friendship. They enjoy being around you, and appreciate your company and the little time you are able to squeeze in together while you are with them. They pack in as much as they can into the time they have, and take those lovely memories you create together and tuck them away in a pocket of the heart...

I recently had a friend email me and tell me she "couldn't make the friendship journey with me." I was hurt, and then I just had to let go. Some people have very high expectations of their friends, but they expect them to just "know" what they need. I am psychic and very intuitive, but I can't read minds. It was the final ending of a long slow death and falling apart of a group of women who I love and really respect. Do I have hard feelings, no. Do I feel like I was owed an explanation beyond what was given, Yes... but I have also learned in my time here on earth that everyone processes things differently. What I would do isn't necessarily something that another person would do. That is why we are individuals. When we become too attached to the form of how a person should act or treat us, we set ourselves up to be disappointed. I try to treat everyone the same. I try to live in the moment with my friends when I am with them. I try to really be present in the present as I am experiencing it. I tend to hang out in the past and future a lot, and that causes problems, because you don't really experience the moments as they are happening.

1 comment:

Connie said...

i have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog! i think your husband is VERY HANDSOME!....and i love your insights. when i remarried 20 yrs ago i lost my best girlfriends. i guess my priority had changed and they just couldn't accept that. yes, the hardest part is the "no explanation"...the closeness and trust - just vanishes.
welcome to the Divas. we are a very open, sharing, group.