Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I have been thinking a lot about beauty. As a culture, Americans are obsessed with it. Maybe more so here in California... but I think everywhere it is pretty prevalent. I know what people mean by physical beauty. I know some people that are truly movie star beautiful. Then I know some very physically unattractive people who have such gorgeous souls, you can't help but see their beautiful spirits. Why do people have to fixate so heavily on the physical? Pascual and I have been experiencing this our whole marriage. When he introduced me to his family (cousin's friends etc.) it was fools day in Spain. He took me around to meet everyone and introduce me as his fiancee'. They all said the same thing.. "You are joking, right?" and when he said no it was for real, they all said, "But she is so beautiful!" At first, he laughed and said, "Yes she is, I am a lucky man..." but I could tell something was bothering him. Not understanding what they were saying in Spanish, he just told me they said I was beautiful, not HOW they said it. When we got back to his parents house, he was sad. I told him I was sorry for the pain his family and friend's careless words caused him. What they were all thinking was, "How could a guy as fat and unattractive as you get a woman so beautiful to agree to marry you?" So it isn't just an American thing, this obsession with beauty and weight. It is worldwide. I am not saying I am any great prize in the beauty department. I have my moments, and I am photogenic. That helps a lot. But how can his own family and friends, people who love him and have known him all his life, be surprised that he found someone to love? Don't we all deserve it? Isn't it what we all want most in life? To find that one person who can show us all the beauty inside ourselves that no one else looked quite hard enough to find?

When I look at Pascual, I really see HIM. I see the whole package... I see a handsome man, and the beautiful soul of the man inside that I fell in love with six months before I ever laid eyes on him. He was so afraid I would reject him because of how he looks, he sent me a 6 year old photo of himself when he was younger, thinner and more tan after a summer holiday. He looked nothing like his picture. I will be honest, it was hard at first for my mind to grasp that this man I was seeing was the same man I had been talking to on the phone for so long. Sometimes I had to close my eyes and just listen to his beautiful voice and know it was him. I wrestled with this in my mind quite a bit in the beginning. God in his infinite wisdom made sure I would love the MAN he is inside first by putting obstacles in our way that prevented us from being geographically close. We spent hours on the phone and on IM getting to know each other. I will be honest and say, I probably would have turned him down flat if I had seen him first, or met him in a bar somewhere. This makes me feel ashamed. I don't like to think of myself as a shallow person. I know most people don't think of themselves as shallow, and yet they ask shallow questions... like "Is your husband a good lover?" Or the standard, "Wow, she is really beautiful." Or the other one is "He must be rich." when inside they are thinking "Why else would you marry him?" Maybe it is me... maybe it is because I love him so much... but I think everything about him is beautiful... When they talk to him for a few minutes and see how sweet he is, or when they see how really intelligent he is, their preconceived notions go out the window. Why would I NOT marry him? He is fabulous.... I get angry at the prejudice he experiences just because he has a Hispanic accent. He is a really intelligent man with a lifetime of incredible experiences to share. He is a sensitive, loving man who will do anything for his family. His capacity to love is endless. He is a man who loves kids and relates to them because he has the soul of a child. He is everything I ever wanted in a partner, and so much more.

I challenge everyone out there to look at people with new eyes today. Don't judge people by their physical appearance... Treat everyone as if they were the most gorgeous popular movie star or famous figure you could think of. I think all people deserve to be treated that way. If they were, I think the world would be a much happier place. It would certainly be more beautiful, if we could all mirror back one another's inner beauty. Packaging isn't important... some of the best things I have came in old ripped up mangled moldy boxes... Inside was a treasure beyond belief. Let's all find a way to treasure that beauty in others.

1 comment:

Angela Hoffmann said...

Hi Karan ....just checking out your!@ you are such an insightful and very soulful woman...I am so happy that you joined our diva group! This entry just tugs at my heart...I come from the perspective of being one that was always tiny and cute...could turn heads in a second...but after the birth of my number 5 and number 6 babies and then quitting smoking...I have ended up 80 lbs heavier than i used to giant but large enough to make me feel substandard. I have always struggled with my self esteem...having a mother that always presented herself as doing everything better and always being right..going into an early marriage with an abusive man until i was 30. MY appearance was the only thing i had!..even then after having a baby here and there..unless i was tiny again got wise cracks from my ex about my weight. Wehn i met my second and current was the first time i really felt attractive and liked. I seriously thought that people wouldn't like me my whole life. Actually the reality hit me after I started the Diva group...for my birhtday they suprised me with a beutiful hand made birthday zine...I cried and cried...and my husband to this day teases me about my comment "Honey! they really like me!"....this was about 4 years! time flies..Any way I now sturggle with my weight....I think that the universe is teaching me something. I am learning to separate my self worth from my weight...afterall i got round not! I also look at people with even more compassion and with different eyes..I see the real person underneath despite their outside appearance..even more so now that I feel so far from perfect! So this entry about your husband is so sweet....and honestly the first thing that came to mind when i saw your pictures..."oh WOW!~ what a beautiful couple!!! You are both beautiful..and by your writing..inside as well as outside!
okay sorry for the novel..
love and hugs!